Most of us are trying to climb a mountain. At the top of this mountain, we expect to find something that makes us feel good, or worthwhile. Once we reach the top of this mountain, we hope that all of our problems will be solved.
For some people, this mountain is a career goal, or maybe a specific amount of money, or a new house. It doesn’t matter what it is. The point is that we all have one.
Sadly, as you have probably found out, reaching the top of this mountain actually doesn’t satisfy any of your needs. It feels good for a little bit, but in almost all cases, another mountain pops up in front of you, this one’s peak promising all the riches and treasures that you could hope for.
The hedonic treadmill
This peak chasing is known as the hedonic treadmill. The hedonic treadmill is the theory that people will always return to their baseline level of happiness, regardless of what happens to them. Basically, people have a happiness baseline. This baseline is subject to change for short periods of time. For example, if you finally buy the new car that you have been saving up for, you will probably be pretty happy about it for a couple of weeks. But as soon as the car is no longer new, your happiness will return to its previous baseline.
Now, the concept of the hedonic treadmill is sort of a double-edged sword. If something bad happens to you, keep in the back of your head that in all likelihood, depending on how negative the event is, it likely won’t loom large for long. But the same goes for if something positive happens.
So, if we know that no matter what happens to us, we will return to our baseline level of happiness, then what can we do to raise our baseline level of happiness?
Let go of expectations
The first step towards becoming a little bit happier is to simply let go of your expectations. This may sound confusing. Let me explain.
A lot of people are always hoping or praying for things to go a certain way. They want to get promoted at their job in a specific amount of time, they want to buy a house at __ age, they want to graduate with a 4.0, they want to have a certain amount of money at a specific time, they want it not to rain so they can go kayaking.
Some of these things may happen. But what happens when they don’t? If you are always expecting certain things to happen, you will never be able to maximize your happiness. Because what happens when something you expected to happen doesn’t? You’ll probably be frustrated and upset about the odds not stacking in your favor. And even if what you expected to happen does happen, are you really going to be that happy? After all, you did expect it to happen.
This is why expectations are ugly.
“When each moment becomes an expectation, life is deprived of fulfillment,” wrote Allan Watts in his book The Wisdom of Insecurity.
If you are able to live your life without expectations, I guarantee that you will become happier. You won’t have to worry about things going a certain way. You will be able to be appreciative when good things happen. But you will also be able to love when not so great things happen.
Wait, did you just say I can love it when bad things happen to me? Yes, I did. Let’s get into that more now.
Amor Fati
When thinking about happiness, it all comes back to Amor Fati. Amor Fati is a Latin phrase that translates to ‘love of fate,’ or ‘love fate.’
In a world that is full of the opposite of loving fate, it has never been more important to adopt an Amor Fati mindset.
When negative things happen, it seems so counterintuitive to respond with love. But when you think about it, love is the only logical answer.
Here is the cold, hard truth: if something bad happens to you, it has already happened. And no amount of complaining or crying or stressing will change the past. Sure, it may hurt. But isn’t loving what happened to you better than resenting it? I certainly think it is.
Loving your fate is something that is easy to talk about when things are going right. But when it’s time for the rubber to meet the road, applying it can be very difficult.
Thomas Edison — the famous inventor — had a special moment where he embodied what Amor Fati is all about.
On a previously uneventful day, a large fire broke out at Edison’s research facility. But instead of being sent into a panic filled frenzy, Edison simply told his son, “Go get your mother and all her friends. They’ll never see a fire like this again.”
Most people’s worst nightmare would be watching their life’s work going up in flames.
Edison knew that he wouldn’t be able to contain the fire, so he chose to look for a positive. This is what Amor Fati is all about.
The next time there is a metaphorical fire in your life, try to just enjoy the scenery.
Enjoy the moment
I want to ask you a question. And I want you to answer it honestly.
How many times in the last week have you been legitimately present in the moment?
I am guessing that it hasn’t been a common occurrence. But reflect on some of your best moments over the past week. I am also guessing that your best moments have been the moments where you are actually present. The moments where instead of fretting about the future, or stressing about the past, you chose to focus more on being where your feet are.
For most, these moments are few and far between. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Think about this quote when you are trying to be more present: “The future is a concept, it doesn’t exist. There is no such thing as tomorrow, there never will be because the time is always now. That’s one of the things we find out when we stop talking to ourselves and stop thinking. We find that there is only present. Only an eternal now,” Alan Watts wrote.
The same goes for the past — it doesn’t exist.
The only thing that you have is this moment right now. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. So do your best to enjoy it. One way to be a bit happier is just to take a deep breath and maximize the current moment that you are in.
Find purpose
The truth about purpose is that it is not a one size fits all. We are all on this Earth looking to do different things for different reasons with different motivations. And of course, this is okay.
The key in finding purpose is to find your purpose. Not your dad’s, not your friend’s, not social media’s.
If you are already attempting to find your own purpose, then you are on the right track.
I think that there is a misconception about purpose. A lot of people think that purpose has to be some big thing serving a greater power or helping solve world hunger. But really it doesn’t have to be all that grand.
Your purpose in life can be something big or expansive, but it can also be something as simple as playing basketball every Sunday with your friends.
I know it sounds weird, but purpose is just about having something to look forward to. If you have something to look forward to, then you have a purpose.
Basically, I see purpose as something that motivates you to push through all the bullshit that life throws your way. We all know that life can be challenging. And there will be things that we don’t like to do. But if we have a purpose, we will be willing to push through this struggle. It is the people with no purpose who sit around and complain about life being too hard.
And you can have multiple purposes! Maybe at some point in your life, your purpose is to become the best at your job, and you dedicate yourself to doing so. But later in life, you could have a family and your purpose could shift to spending more quality time with them.
The point isn’t what your purpose is, the point is that you have one. You will be a little bit happier if you do.