In middle and high school, I wasn’t the best student. I certainly didn’t get awful grades, but far from where I probably should have been. I consistently earned B’s and C’s, often putting in just enough effort to get by. On multiple occasions, I had teachers who I didn’t like and who didn’t like me. I often blamed them.
“They just can’t teach good,” I would say. “Well this is just a stupid subject, I don’t really need to know this,” was one of my favorites.
For a long time, this would be my excuse. I would blame my teachers. I would blame the subject. I would blame just about everything besides the only person responsible for my grades.
Internal locus of control vs external locus of control
One day, I was on the way home with my dad after school. We were talking about my classes and what I could do to improve (a frequent topic of conversation for my father and I).
He told me that at work he had come across an interesting topic that could apply to my struggle.
The topic was of internal locus of control vs external locus of control. He explained to me that there are many things in life that we just simply can’t control. But he also told me that there are things in life that we can control.
He told me that I can’t control my teachers. I can’t control whether or not they like me, or the assignments they hand out. What I could control was my work ethic. My notetaking. How I paid attention in class.
I would love to say that after this conversation with my father everything clicked. I would love to say that I went on to become a straight-A student with a perfect GPA. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. I continued to blame other people for my own problems.
It wouldn’t be until much later that I fully adopted the concept of locus of control.
The Stoic Philosophy
Around my sophomore year in high school, I started to read more books. I was particularly interested in the self-help genre. I stumbled upon a couple books on the philosophy of Stoicism. I loved these books and found that the philosophy really resonated with me.
As I learned more about the philosophy, I found out that its primary principle was similar to something that my dad had told me years ago.
Essentially, Stoicism boils down to accepting what is outside of your control and embracing what is in your control.
This clicked with me. It suddenly made sense. It wasn’t about what I couldn’t control, it was about what I could control.
I realized that for much of my life, I had spent too much time worrying about what I couldn’t control.
The only thing that matters in life
The abundance of bullshit in the world today is staggering. There are so many things to worry about. Not only do we have our own personal problems, anxieties, and insecurities to deal with, but it often feels like the world is crashing down in front of our very eyes.
And while I wish I could say I had a magical formula for making all of your problems disappear, I have to admit that I don’t. But I do have a concept that could help. And that concept is the idea of internal locus of control vs external locus of control.
You see, when you feel anxiety or feel overwhelmed, you are probably too concerned with things that are outside of your locus of control.
When you focus on what you can control, you become powerful. You become powerful because you work harder. You become powerful because you present yourself better. You become powerful because you always put your best foot forward.
When you focus on what you can’t control, you become weak. You become weak because you worry about what other people think of you. You become weak because you complain. You become weak because you don’t take responsibility.
It sounds cliche to say, ‘control what you can control,’ but there is a reason why it has become such a popular trope.
It’s because it really works. If you fully commit yourself to controlling what you can control, your life will become much better.
Because when it comes down to it, it does us no good to worry about things that we can’t control. It is silly when you think about it. Why would you spend your precious time worrying about something that you have no impact on? Why would you blame someone else for your short comings when you could simply work harder?
Weak people spend time complaining. They spend time worrying about others. They invest themselves in things that they can’t control.
Strong people do the opposite. They focus only on what they can control. They work harder. They do everything in their power to get what they want. And if they can’t get what they want, they don’t complain. They simply try again.
Focusing on what you can control relates to everything in life. That’s why it is the most important life principle.