In life, a lot of us think that there is a magical reality where there is no pain. Everything is sunshine and rainbows. We think other people are in this reality and we hope to enter it one day ourselves.
If you thought this, here is the harsh truth: This is an alternate universe that has never existed, and it never will. And the people who you think live in it, certainly don’t. Disappointed to be confronted by this truth? Keep reading and maybe I can convince you that the alternative isn’t so bad.
Bad things happen all the time in this world. It is unfortunate, but it is a part of life. There will be negative things that we have absolutely zero control over. Whether it is people treating you bad, or unthinkable global tragedies, or working a job that you hate, there are so many things that we wish could be removed from the Earth forever. But this isn’t how it works. Accepting this fact is the first step towards, well, accepting that unfortunate things happen and life sucks sometimes.
Think about the COVID-19 pandemic. There is not a single sane person that wished for a deadly illness to spread throughout the world and make all of us reconsider how we live our daily lives. But it happened.
One of the most fundamental principles of Stoicism is the idea that we don’t control what happens to us, we control how we respond. If you can truly commit this to heart, there is nothing besides death that can defeat you in life.
I think that a lot of us equate struggle with unhappiness and vice versa. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. A life of leisure is not a life of fulfillment or happiness. Life is all about overcoming struggles and challenges that are thrown our way.
“No man is more unhappy than he who never faces adversity. For he is not permitted to prove himself,” wrote Seneca.
Think about a challenge that you overcame in your life, doesn’t matter how small or big it was. Try to remember how you felt afterward. You probably felt pretty good, right? Maybe you did something that was physically challenging or something that scared you. In the moment, this was not very pleasant. But afterward, this experience was likely very rewarding.
Now juxtapose this with doing something that is easy or generally regarded as enjoyable. After watching T.V for two hours, how do you feel? I know that every time I binge on distractions like social media or T.V, I don’t ever feel great.
Even in tragedy, there is still good if you look in the right place. Think about what happened after September 11th. Following one of the most unthinkable, horrible things to ever happen in recent history, the country of America came together in a way that it never had before. Even with the pandemic, there was a sense of community. Before we all picked our political sides, we bonded together through pain and struggle.
“Prioritize demanding activity over passive consumption,” wrote author Cal Newport in his popular book Digital Minimalism.
The demanding activity will make you happy in the long run. And yes, it is hard in the moment. But it is much better than the alternative of passive consumption distracting you for a brief moment and then making you miserable.
And when the world experiences rough times, realize that leaders stand up during chaos. Embrace the uncertainty and try to improve yourself for the better.
So next time there is a challenge in your life, shift your perspective and recognize it as an opportunity to improve on yourself and your happiness. Next time you have nothing to do on a Friday night, instead of wasting the night, challenge yourself to do something that is hard or outside of your comfort zone. Next time a natural disaster hits your city, volunteer to help clean up the mess. Next time you are matched up with something that is hard, don’t shy away.