Since a young age, we have all been encouraged to follow our passions above all else. And while I fully support people finding things that make them excited to wake up in the morning, I think that there is something far more important that we should follow.
I believe that the most important thing we should follow is our fear.
Fear serves an evolutionary purpose. If humans were not afraid of anything, we would have no chance of surviving as a species. We would all die very easily.
Today, we are very lucky to find ourselves in a position where modern medicine and technology have more than doubled the average life expectancy. We don’t have to deal with the constant threat of death like our ancetors did. The modern world is pretty safe. This is a good thing. But even though we don’t have to worry about dying as much as we used to, fear still lingers.
When I say that you should follow your fears, I am not talking about putting your physical body in real danger. I am not encouraging you to go jump out of a window or go skydiving. We all fear these types of things. This type of fear is perfectly justified, though. It is meant to keep us safe.
There is another type of fear that you need to follow if you want to live a good life. I will call this the fear of social consequence. The fear of social consequence is a defense mechisim that exists to keep you within the status quo. No matter how bravado we act on the outside, we all have faced this fear at some point in our life. For some people, the fear of social consequence is something that is constantly on their minds. For others, it isn’t as big of a problem. But we all have it.
Some examples of the fear of social consequence include:
Doing anything that separates you from others or makes you different. Something that makes you stand out.
Speaking in front of big crowds.
Starting a new project.
Meeting new people.
Chances are there has been a point in your life where you have shied away from doing one of these things out of fear of social consequence. I know that I have.
I want you to reflect on times where you faced the fear of social consequence. What happened? Was it as bad as you thought it would be? Unless things went really, really bad, it is likely that facing the fear of social consequence wasn’t that bad. Sure, it might have sucked in the moment. You might have messed up and maybe were embarrassed. But if that is the worst that can happen, it is more than bearable.
When dealing with the fear of social consequence, the reward is so much greater than the risk. Say you build up enough courage to finally write the book that you have been thinking about for a couple of years. You are nervous to put your work out there because you fear what people might say. If your book is successful, you can earn money, fame, and maybe even other writing opportunities. Sounds pretty great, right? If your book fails, the worst thing that can happen is it doesn’t sell many copies and you get some negative comments on the internet. If this happens, you can take your loss and then just move on. At least you tried.
In his speech entitled “Citizenship in a Republic,” Theodore Roosevelt uttered these now-famous words:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
When you follow your fears, you will stumble. And instead of offering a hand to help you up, many people will mock and make fun of you. Don’t pay any attention to these people. Don’t allow them to own any type of real estate in your head. You shouldn’t try to psychoanalyze other people, but just know that these people are typically compensating for their own insecurities by putting you down. As long as you focus on what you are doing, you will be successful. Don’t let others sway you off of the path.
Now, this is the part that takes some reflection from you. Think deeply about how the fear of social consequence has impacted you negatively. Think about what you fear the most when it comes to social consequence. Then do whatever it is that you fear the most. It will be extremely uncomfortable at first, but you will get used to it. Once you get past the initial pain, you will have overcome your fears and will be a much better person because of it.